I cried on the way away from here listening to someone else's voice speak the feelings I cannot speak of... to my love... who should have been beside me, who should have been holding my hand. I cry myself to sleep. In a cold and lonely bed, I shall still be thinking of him, who should be lying beside me, arms and legs entangled. I wish it were that simple.

I don't understand why we play these silly games where I hurt you, and you hurt me. I don't understand how I went wrong the way I went wrong with you, and you ...

How can you not be with me when you know if you want you can be? Please tell me . . .

So I am here, and I play my waiting game, hoping you'll find me when you're ready. I will wait here 'til you come and pull me into you-- or until you tell me that your heart does not beat the rhythm I believe, or until you tell me that your soul would be dashed to bits by me, or you think I'm a fool, but ...

How can you not be with me when you know if you want you can be? Please tell me...

Ah me. . . ohh you . . .

How can you not be with me when you know if you want you can be? Please tell me... I'm waiting here. . . I'll wait here . . . I'll wait here for you.

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I Think I

I've a feeling I may not have to be
Miserable to be happy
I may not have to have trouble breathing
To be able to find that deeper meaning

Intensity may not be
My necessity, though I thought it would be
I've a propensity to hurt those caring for me
And here's a window of opportunity

I think I could love you
I think I...
I think I could love you

Roller coaster rides have the deepest glide
'Til the highs subside to leave you empty inside
It might be best for today if I turn away
But it blows my mind you might want me to stay
It's been a long time since someone gave to me
So I might stay and see what's in it for me
So what's in it for me?

I think you could love me
I think you could be part of me
I think you could love me

I may be learning how to be free
Thank you for being so sweet to me
I'd forgotten what kindness could be
Maybe one day I'll be for you who I wish I could be

I know you know I just lost a lover
It's taking me awhile to recover
Though I've tried so hard to discover
I could be capable of another

But I think I still love him
I cannot imagine
Not being there at his whim
So I think I should be your friend

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Completely

There's nowhere to run, nowhere to fly
No passion so weak to be denied
Emptiness surrounds dream of a
Better place, a better time in your face
Left inside, it's lonely here
Self-denied, I'm a wilted petal
I wanna leave the strangers
Burning behind plastered souls

I wanna know someone ...

Behind these eyes and tongue that's tied
Fearless she'd appear, open love net for falling stars
To hold you here, hold you near,
Hold you dear forever

I want to know someone completely
I want to learn to love freely
I want to give myself completely
I want to love someone completely

Love denied, watcher's compromise
'Tween earth and heavenly life
Let it go, let it flow,
Let it glow, let it survive

I want to know someone completely
I want to learn to love freely
I want to give myself completely
I want to love someone completely

Sleep a hundred thousand years
Run a hundred thousand miles
My place is not here
(Still alone)
To hold you here, hold you near,
Hold you dear forever

I wanna know someone completely
I wanna learn to love freely
I wanna give myself completely
I wanna love someone completely

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In and of Itself

I like this space I find myself in
When I think of how we've been
Sneak on home before daylight comes
Don't look back, or you'll be undone
The morning air doesn't feel the same
Warmed within before sunlight came
I hide my smile and laughter too
When I catch myself thinking. . . of you

Love is endless, time constrains
Why mustn't I call out your name?
Will the day come when I
Can show the world a sigh. . . for you

And I get so frustrated
With what I have anticipated
This reality must be a dream
Will they know we're more than we seem?

Doubts pull down this good feeling too
Why must I now not be with you?
Giving all I have within me
Hoping I don't lose myself. . . in you

Yearn for voice and yearn for touch
I wonder how I feel this much
I am at your mercy when you say
It's okay to play today. . . with you

And I get so frustrated
With what I have anticipated
This reality must be a dream
Will they know we're more than we seem?

I wonder how much love is need
I wonder how much need is love
Hunger and thirst for your breath on mine
Trace your face, tiny imperfections. . . you

And I get so frustrated
With what I have anticipated
This reality, it must be a dream
Will they know we're more than we seem?
Do they know?
Do they know. . . about you?

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Drifting Away

What would you have me say?
Really, what did you expect?
You promised me nothing, and I accepted that
But your eyes were telling me a story

Oh, now it's drifting away
Oh, what did you think I'd say?
Can't keep playing this game

Oh yes, I know you didn't mean this to happen
But tell me honestly, weren't you hoping for more?
Well I guess I can't trust my senses
Cause your eyes were telling me a story

Oh, now it's drifting away
Oh, what did you think I'd say?
Can't keep playing this game

People like you, you're looking for miracles
Did you even look in my eyes?
You're a fool and I
I'm done, done, done

Oh, now I'm drifting away
Oh, what would you have me say
As I turn away

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Psychopath

So I'm going to tell you a story
I walked into a bar one night and there was this guy I knew sitting there,
So I said hi, sat down too, ordered a beer
Next thing I knew, and it was six AM, and he was walking me to my car

So he said, hey, sweetheart, you know I like you
And I returned to him my smile and said I like you too

We were both trying to get over bad relationships,
So we thought hey, here's someone I kinda like
They won't screw me up too much
And it's all harmless flirtation,
Right?

But he said he wasn't like the rest
It's my fault cause I believed him
He and his baby insecurities
Can go play someone else

Amazing that what begins so easily can turn into screaming on the street
And that holding back on hurt feelings will explode in your face
And he seemed so nice on the outside, but I should have known
Someone saying, "Oh I'm such a nice guy," has no self-insight

But he said he wasn't like the rest
And it's my fault cause I believed him
He and his baby insecurities
Can go play someone else

I should have known better
I should have known better
Than to have grown attached
To a psychopath, a psychopath, a psychopath

So I learned a valuable lesson: old wounds bleed when touched,
And you can't heal someone's obsession by replacing it
So he doesn't speak to me now, I guess it's just as well
Cause we could have rebounded each other straight to hell

But we said we weren't going to be like that
And we actually believed it
We and our baby insecurities
Will go and we'll play someone else

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I Want it All

I spill the pills on the bathroom floor
The clatter sounds like tears
I'll try this once more
My countdown says one day left
But I retch them out
I can't get anything right

I drop the razor into the tub
Thrill at the sight of love
But it's brighter than I thought it'd be
An outpouring
I've fallen back on cliche
I can't get anything right

I sink down
I've done it
Pain is so sweet
Feeling itself
Can't you sense it?
I hold it in my hand

I want intensity, I won't fear it
I want to finally feel life as it leaves me
Rage, laughter, pain, and joy
Until it's all gone
I want it all at once
'Til it's all gone

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Lose U 2 Forever

Everything's okay
I can't be hurt by it
You know, I don't even care
If you're here or there
Cause you're not mine
And I'm not yours
And that's probably for the best

Each time I see you
Could be the last
Though I really live in those moments
I'm not supposed to care
Cause you're not mine
And I'm not yours
And this could be the last

This could be my last chance now
Before I lose you to forever
Why can't we finish what we started?
Don't you ever wonder . . . how it could have been?

Now you're saying you're going to leave this place
And I can't ask you to stay
You know, I'm really happy for you
But please, don't take my self away
Though you're not mine
I feel like I'm yours
So what if this is the last?

This could be my last chance now
Before I lose you to forever
Why can't we finish what we started?
Don't you ever wonder . . . how it could have been?

Now everything's okay, you knew it would be
Like I knew we'd end
How could I even dare
To begin to care, cause I knew
You'd never be mine
But I'll always be yours
And this could be the last

This could be my last chance now
Before I lose you to forever
Why can't we finish what we started?
Won't we always wonder . . . how it could have been?
Oh, how it could have been

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Blow My Brains

It's happening again, the pain is coming to me now
I need to make an end, but I don't know how
I can't stand how you make me feel, disgusted with myself
But it's not real, no, I can't feel a thing

I see the way he looks right past me, as if I weren't there
I try not to mind he doesn't like me, I wish I didn't care

It's inside me, it's all around me
It's even in his face
Gonna grab it out and put it in my pocket
But even then I'll know that I'm out of place

I see the way he looks right past me, as if I weren't there
I try not to mind he doesn't know me, I wish I didn't care

You never asked if I wanted to
But I don't know how to say no to you
I was not prepared for such pain
Now I'm drowning, drowning, drowning in shame

I thank the Lord every day that I am not alone
How could I know that I would still feel that way?

I see the way he looks right past me, as if I weren't there
I try not to mind he doesn't know me, I wish I didn't care
I wish I didn't care,
So why the hell do I care?

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Daddy Will be Home

When the war headlines are like a movie of the week
And the whole world is going mad
We take our comforts where they come
And struggle to be glad
That our own lives seem to be all in one piece
With loved ones on foreign ground
It takes innocent eyes to recognize
The beauty that's still around ...

Cause there are birds in the trees and fish in the seas
And flowers blooming soon
The sun is warm over everyone
So what do you tell your child?

Daddy will be home soon.

When there's blood on the screen in the middle of the day
And men shooting at our boys
We try to imagine there's a better place
Where anyone can go
In harmony and empathy
If we let go of the hate
That drives us and blinds us from the truth
That we're all a part ...

Of the birds in the trees and the fish in the seas
Flowers blooming soon
The sun is warm over everyone
So what do you tell your child?

We don't know why, and we don't know how
But we're all connected now
What you say and what you do
Is a part of me too

And the birds in the trees and the fish in the seas
The flowers blooming soon
Oh, the sun is warm over everyone
So what do you tell your child?

Daddy will be home, Daddy will be home, he's coming soon

We don't know why, and we don't know how
But we're all connected now
What you say, and what you do
Is a part of me too

Daddy will be home,
Mommy will be home
Brother and sister too ...

With the birds in the trees, and the fish in the seas
The flowers blooming soon
Oh, the sun is warm over everyone
So what do you tell your child?

They'll come home soon.

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Forsaken

It seems to me you've forsaken me
I've given you my everything
Day after day, there's less and less to say
Perhaps we've worn each other out
I should've left a long time ago
I should've left when I saw you, ohhh

You sang to me of your deepest being
I put on my own harmony
But night comes on, and I'm more alone
With you in my arms than off on my own
I should've dropped you when I met you
I should've run the moment I met you
Now where am I going? Where am I going?

Cause you were the best thing I've ever had
You were the greatest feeling I've ever had

But what of that when in the dark
I don't really care what's out there
You were the most fun I've ever had
You were the realest thing I've ever had
Now I am nothing, I am

Cause you were the best thing I've ever had
You were the greatest feeling I've ever had

Remember when you gave to me
A sense of life, then you took it away from me
Now I am, I am nothing

Cause you were my everything
You were all the best of me

You brought out my best then left the rest of me
You've let me down so hard I can't breathe
I am, I am
You brought out my best then left the rest of me
You've let me down so hard I can't breathe
I am, I am ...

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No Words

I don't want to stop thinking about you
About life, and death, and loneliness
And how everything glows at dusk
On fire with the setting sun

And I still can't get the words right
And there is still so much I want to express
But there are no words, and there are no songs
No voice I can make you hear

Just souls whispering to each other
Beauty and love, caring and wonder
(feels like a dream)

If you could get in my head for just a moment,
I would share all of these
And if I could get inside of yours, I know
There would be so much I could learn
So I keep reaching out for that connection
To fight the loneliness,
But somehow it becomes
That much more intense

And I'll keep holding on to that thread between us
I want to keep this feeling inside me
Yes, I'll keep holding on to that thread between us
I want to keep this feeling inside me

Just souls whispering to each other
Beauty and love, caring and wonder
(feels like a dream)

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Only Sleeping

Morning comes
And my head is tired
From hours with
The night's moving shadows

But I, I was only sleeping
Can't I go back and pretend?
It's too hard to have these memories
So can't I go back and pretend?

Are you allright?
Your voice had come right toward us
And I had heard those words before
When I had been the one beside you
But I, I was only sleeping
Can't I go back and pretend?
It's too hard to have these memories
So can't I go back and pretend?

Now those memories collide
With others that had been mine
And what I had with you
Seems like a lost moment in time
What have I known of you?
For this I now see
I can't reconcile
With who you were to me

But what if I, I was only sleeping
And I can go back, I can pretend
It's too hard to live this reality
So I can go back and pretend

You were ... You were ...
You were ... You were ...

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Shining in You

I take everything I want, and I don't give that much back
My needs supersede everything that gets in their way
I tried, you know I tried to walk away
And you can say, I gave you fair warning
But we don't know how
To stop

Where is that heaven I dreamed of?
Where is that golden lovely feeling of endless possibility?
Where is the night's moon and the sky's blue?
Beauty, shining in you

This path is not really the right one, and we know time doesn't move that slow
I should be able to make it on my own but I never knew
Freedom would be so hard won, but here I am
I'm still wrapped up in the mystery

Where is that heaven I dreamed of?
Where is that golden lovely feeling of endless possibility?
Where is the night's moon and the sky's blue?
Beauty, shining in you

I almost wish that I had stayed blind instead of opening for a short time
I don't know what's real
I don't know what's right
I don't know who it is
Who is holding me tight
Or if any of this
Is worth it
I don't know

Where is the night's moon and the sky's blue?
There's beauty shining in you
Oh I feel, this could be heaven tonight
Oh I feel, this could be heaven tonight
So it can't be that wrong
No, it can't be that wrong
It can't be that wrong

I see what's coming down on me
And it's light
It's light

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Speak the Beauty

I need to be your beloved
In silence I'll come to you
And offer my hand
You can have more than that too
Midnight dreams & hidden
A trail of tears & kisses

Never with more than a whisper
My fragile heart will make itself known
You speak the beauty to me
Trust yourself and ravage me

You can feel me in the warmth all around you
You can taste me as salt upon your lips
And I could never cage or break you
But would rather see you set free
Than as my lonely one
With your clipped wings-
Forgotten how to fly

Hold me in your heart, mind & soul
And in your arms
I pull your smile to me
Body trembling
You can feel me in the warmth all around you
You can taste me as salt upon your lips

And I could never cage or break you
But would rather see you set free
Than as my lonely one
With your clipped wings-
Forgotten how to fly

It's me and you within
Found each other in this place
Where words are a gentle touch
And love glistens on your breath
Breathing, breathing
Our dreams are hidden
A trail of tears and kisses

We could never be caged or broken
With our hearts so set free
Rather than as lonely ones
With forgotten dreams
Ooo, ooo

I'll show you how to fly

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Too Late Now

I lost a friend today
I didn't see it coming
He went away, and now he's gone
I don't know how to feel
I'm waiting for the punchline
Sad but angry at what you've done

You didn't warn me
You didn't even say a thing
I can't believe it
I won't believe it till I see

It doesn't make any sense
My mind can't wrap around it
We had a conversation just last week
You seemed just like yourself
Maybe a little lonely
And then when you walked out, you looked back twice

Maybe you would've warned me
Maybe you would've told me if I'd asked
And I can't help believing
That one little thing might have changed your path

Ohh, it's too late now
Ohh, it's too late now

If you'd hung on one more day
You would not have missed it
The prettiest day we had all year
The air was bittersweet
The sky felt like laughter
It made the pain that much more clear

If you could've seen it
If you could've known what you would miss
Would you have gone through with it?
You know it'll always feel just like ...

Ohh, it's too late now
Ohh, it's too late now
It's too late now, it's too late now
It's too late now, it's too late now ...

Dedicated to my friend Cole, who took his own life March 2nd, 2004.
A remarkable person who touched many lives, he will be greatly missed.

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Untrue by Bobby Kinne & Rachel Pardieck

And I would never
And I would never
And I would never
You thought I would never see
What you thought you
Had pulled over on me

And you would never
And you would never
And you would never
No you could never see
What you had
What you had done to me

Words so sweet but untrue
That pretend smile is not you
So how do I get back to where I belong
In your arms

And I could never
No I could never see
What you had
Who you turned out to be
What have you
What have you done to me?

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